Spring on the Brain

Posted on February 16, 2026 by DorothyMarie

Today, it reached a high of about 52 degrees here in Holland, MI. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping and I was out walking and enjoying it. It made me think Spring. I seriously can’t wait for Spring. I’m so over this winter. It has been very rough on me. I’ve been cooped up, depressed, and have gained weight because I’m trying to make myself happy with junk food. It hasn’t worked. I don’t know why I keep snacking on the junk food. Prior to winter, I weighed about 188. Now I weigh 222!! I’m so disappointed in myself. So today, I got out for a walk while the weather was nice for this time of year. I walked 1.5 miles and got over 4,000 steps. I’m pretty happy with that. I walked to the thrift store that’s down the road from where I live. I bought two books and a Michigan State University hoodie.

Blessings,

❤ Dorothy

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Happy Valentine’s Day

Posted on February 14, 2026 by DorothyMarie

Just a short post to wish you all a Happy Valentine’s Day! I didn’t do anything special today. I did laundry, did some reading for school, ordered a few groceries and did a couple drawings. That’s it. No dates or special outings. I can’t go anywhere on the weekends because I have no transportation. The busses do not run on weekends. I kind of wish they did run on Saturday because I would’ve taken myself for a manicure/pedicure. Instead, I stayed home and ordered myself a tiny box of chocolate. Happy Valentine’s Day to me. I’m considering getting myself something else like a book or something…but I don’t know. How about you? How’s your Valentine’s Day been? Please share my blog with others if you find it interesting. I’d love to have some more likes and comments. That would make my day.

❤ Dorothy

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20 Years

Posted on February 13, 2026 by DorothyMarie

Today marks 20 years since my mom passed away. I can’t believe it’s been so long! I miss her so much. I know that if she were still alive, she’d let me live with her and that would be wonderful. I currently rent a room in an adult foster care home and it’s tough sometimes. There are four other residents that also rent and I get along with them for the most part. But there are times when one of the residents starts drama and I get frustrated. And a couple weeks ago, two people got into a shouting match and it triggered me. I had to go to my room and I cried. It brought back memories of when I was a kid and my dad and step-mom would get into shouting matches. I know those things happen but they scare me.

I think of my mom often and lately I’ve been having dreams with her in them. One day I actually woke from a dream in tears. My mom was only 56 when she passed. I am turning 55 in May and I often get nervous about getting older. But I keep telling myself that I’m in a much better spot physically than my mom was. My mom was morbidly obese and she had several comorbidities. She was pretty much bedridden in her final days. I felt bad for her. I will never forget how she looked in the hospital during her final day. They had her laying flat on her back and I knew she couldn’t breathe well. I didn’t like seeing her that way because I know she always slept in a reclining position. I had such a hard time in the hospital seeing her. I just cried and ended up going home to hug my kids.

I’m sad my mom passed so young but I’m glad my kids spent so much time with her while she was alive. They have such great memories of time spent with her. My daughter Kara posted some memories on Facebook and it just brought me to tears. I wish she were still alive so she could meet her great-grandsons.

I sure love and miss her. But I know she’s watching over us all and I find comfort in that. I also am glad she is in no more pain. I just can’t believe it’s been 20 years already. Boy how time flies!

Blessings,

❤ Dorothy

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Schooling – What Do I Want To Do?

Posted on February 7, 2026 by DorothyMarie

I recently started back to school attending Cornerstone University online. As it is right now, I’m studying Psychology and going for a Bachelors Degree. However, there was a time that I was interested in going for an Associates Degree in Accounting. I figured with Accounting, it would help me with my own budget and then I could help others too. And…I like math! But….

I also like Psychology even though it seems tough at times. Additionally, I fight mental illness myself so I figured it’d be cool to learn a lot more about what I deal with mentally. Just this week I learned about something called ACES (short for adverse childhood experiences). There’s a website on it. It was fascinating because I learned that a lot of what I went through as a kid were ACES. And that it has affected my entire life basically.

Cornerstone is a Christian university so I’m gaining strength in my faith too. I like that a lot. Faith and belief in God is something I didn’t have growing up. I do believe if we had, my childhood would have been much different. I don’t want to say my parents were bad parents but some of the stuff I dealt with was not good. Perhaps I’ll do a post on that another time if anyone is interested.

I think I’m going to stick with Psychology. Unless something in my heart changes, I really want to learn more in this field. Perhaps I can take a finance class as part of my schooling. That would give me more knowledge with budgeting.

So here’s a question…do you think I’m too old to go for a 4-year degree? I’m 54.

Peace & Love

❤ Dorothy

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This Blog – Thoughts

Posted on February 5, 2026 by DorothyMarie

Hello! How are you? The weather here in Holland, MI has been very cold and quite dreary. I miss the sunshine.

I’m curious to know if anyone still visits/reads this blog. If you’re reading this, please leave a comment. I’m thinking about reviving it and posting more regularly. What do you think? I guess it doesn’t really matter too much. I don’t see myself ever going viral. My life just isn’t that exciting.

To blog or not to blog…that is my question.

Peace & Love

❤ Dorothy

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19 Years

Posted on February 13, 2025 by DorothyMarie

It’s been 19 years since my mom passed. I love and miss her so much. I wish she were here to meet my grandkids and to see how much her own grandkids have grown. She was only 56 when she passed. That’s so young. I’m 53 now and I’ll admit that sometimes I get scared that I will pass on at a young age. However, then I remind myself that I may be like my mom in ways but I am not her. My mom was super morbidly obese and had several co-morbidities.

Today in her memory I drew an owl because they were her favorite. I’m no artist but I tried.

My attempt at realistic

Here’s an emoji owl. It’s not perfect either.

In memory of my mom Claudia

Peace & Love

❤ Dorothy

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Where Have I Been?

Posted on February 11, 2025 by DorothyMarie

I can’t believe it’s been almost four years since I last posted. I wonder if anyone will see this post? If you are still following, I thank you. So much has changed. My current situation is I have a guardian and a payee and live in an adult foster care home in Holland, Michigan. I’ve been in this situation for about three years. I have a guardian because back in 2021 I was hospitalized and deemed incapacitated. My guardian is my aunt. It has been going well; however, I am hoping to be independent again someday. As a step toward that direction, I am petitioning the court to terminate the guardianship. I am not getting my hopes up but I am in a much better position and doing much better mentally than I was three years ago. I do not think I’m incapacitated anymore. As part of my treatment, I have been attending Lakeside Clubhouse in Holland, MI. It has been a lifesaver quite honestly.

There are clubhouses all over the world. Check out https://clubhouse-intl.org/ sometime. Clubhouse offers a place for those who fight mental illness to go. I’ve made so many friends and so far have been able to travel to Baltimore, Maryland and Salt Lake City, Utah. I really do love clubhouse and all I’ve gained from it.

Another new thing in my life is a boyfriend. We met through clubhouse. He currently lives in Massachussets. He gave me a promise ring. It’s really beautiful. I’ll try to post a picture at some point.

I look forward to writing more and following others. Do you have any questions for me?

Peace & Love

❤ Dorothy aka Dottie

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Overwhelming Morning

Posted on August 1, 2021 by DorothyMarie

Today started extremely rough. My pain was so bad…at least a 10. I was literally afraid to try getting out of bed for fear of damaging my feet and knees. I sat there and just cried and cried. I’m at my aunts for the weekend and I am thankful she heard me and came to ask if I needed help. Why do I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders? And why am I so hesitant to ask for help? I feel like I need to be superwoman or something. My neck and shoulders were so knotted and tight. I was completely overwhelmed. My aunt put some of my Voltaren gel on my shoulders and neck and massaged them. She helped me get to the restroom.

The mornings are the absolute worst for me. I need to accept the fact that I need mobility aids at this time. These pains and my poor walking makes me think of my mom. She was bedridden in her last days. I get so much panic and anxiety that the same things are happening to me. But I gotta keep telling myself that I’m not my mom. This trauma sucks. Yes I’m dealing with that too PTSD. I’m thankful for my aunt talking me down and helping me get through. I took my meds. They gave me Lyrica and it made me drowsy. I ended up falling asleep again. I kind of felt like I had a buzz. My uncle said it looked like I did. But I was just trying to get through the panic.

Mental illness and pain is no joke! I need to pound it in my head that asking for help is okay…as is using mobility aids. I need to learn that it’s okay to focus on myself. I don’t have to save the worlds problems. I also prayed too.

It’s now 3:46 pm and I’m doing much better. Still in pain but nowhere near as bad.

Thank God and family and friends for help.

Peace and Love,

❤ Dottie

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Meant to be a Daddy’s Girl

Posted on July 27, 2021 by DorothyMarie

Hello Friends…How are you? I’m doing pretty good. Well actually I’m feeling a little bit of anxiety thinking about tomorrow. I have an appointment with a new doctor and I also have therapy. But that’s not what this post is about.

In therapy last week I discussed a lot. I’m having a lot of revelations. I’m starting to remember some of the good times when I was a kid. I’m relating to my dad more and more although he’s deceased. I have always envied daddy/daughter relationships and they made me very emotional. My dad made some bad decisions. But we all do. I remember being quite young and never being able to have friends come over to the house. I was always quiet and reserved. I wasn’t like the other kids and I’m learning that that’s okay and even good. I remember being afraid of my dad. I remember wanting to please him so he would show me how proud he was of me. I never liked myself. I thought I was fat, ugly, unworthy. My dad was toxic. The drugs and alcohol made him stupid; but it was his way of coping with all the challenges they had like divorcing. Boy, I feel like I’m struggling with this more than I anticipated. A little letter to my dad:

Dear Dad:

I’m going through a lot dad. What I have is what I believe you had. PTSD – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I know losing your father at a very young age like you did had to be very challenging. I know that getting in that bad accident that killed your friend from school had to be so impossible to recover from. I don’t think you did recover. I think you buried it and chose to deal with the overwhelming emotions with drugs and alcohol. It doesn’t excuse you for treating me the way you did, but I can relate now. I have so many unanswered questions. I’m just going to type them out here.

  1. Why did you tease me all the time and call me names?
  2. Why did you think it was okay to bully your own daughter?
  3. Did you hate my mom?
  4. Did you hate me?
  5. Did you believe in God? Were you mad at God?
  6. Did you actually love your second wife Patricia? Why were you violent?
  7. Did kids tease you when you were a kid?
  8. Were you popular in school or a stoner?
  9. Do you have any regrets?

Dad, I think we could’ve been best friends. I think I’m a lot like you in many ways. We both love animals and nature. I’m so outdoorsy and absolutely love watching squirrels and other wildlife. I enjoy fishing. Just the other day I rescued a turtle from the road as well as a baby turkey. It was a moment that just truly made me happy. I’m 50 years old and I finally am not letting others judgements bother me so much. I’m living and finding joy in life. I pray to have many more years ahead of me to see my grandkids grow.

Oh, by the way, I do like black men. I think they’re sexy. Somehow you called it all those years ago. I’m not racist. Had I had any courage and self-confidence all those years ago, things would’ve been so different.

I forgive you dad. I love you. Please continue to watch over me because I know you are.

Thanks for reading friends.

Peace ~ Love ~ Happiness

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I’ve been vlogging on YouTube again. Feel free to check it out. Link is over on the side bar. Also over there is a link to my PayPal in case someone would wanna donate to my struggling butt.

Peace ~ Love ~ Happiness

DottieMay ❤️

Posted on July 26, 2021 by DorothyMarie | Leave a comment